On the heels of a particularly touchy topic, as I responded to the writer of the blog post “12 Reasons Why Peanut Free Schools Are Not Okay,” I was reminded of the ugly underbelly of the parenting world.
Parents blame other parents for all the things they do not know or understand. Taken in part a comment from my last post:
As a mother to a son with multiple, severe food allergies and a daughter with an autoimmune disease that is life-threatening on a daily basis, I am sadly too familiar with this kind of attitude. We hear it all too often…even from family members. My daughter has type 1 diabetes, an autoimmune disease with no known cause nor cure and not caused by any unhealthy lifestyle choices. Yet, time and time again we are told we caused it…that natural products will cure it…and people often say, “but she can’t have diabetes, she’s not fat.”…We have been told by my children’s grandparents that they don’t invite us out to eat because it is “too uncomfortable” for them that we have to insure that the food is safe for our children and to watch our daughter get her insulin injection.
What in the world? We parents – I think moms especially – carry enough weight and guilt when it comes to our children.
The truth is, there are a lot of theories out there. And there are a lot of studies. But there is nothing out there that says we parents ought to carry the blame for any of it.
It just happens that people like to point fingers. We love to blame people for whatever is not perfect.
Let’s get this straight right now: You. Are. Not. To. Blame. I hope that, over the noise of the blame-game and all the latest theories tossed your way, you can hear me speak this truth to you right now.
It’s not your fault.
In fact, chances are good you’re doing everything you can to raise your child well. Diabetes, life threatening food allergies, asthma, physical disabilities … whatever it is, I would venture to guess that you are probably doing your damnedest to make sure your child lives as full and “normal” of a life as possible.
The next time someone tries to tell you that you ate too many GMOs as a kid, that you should have breastfed, that you shouldn’t have vaccinated, that you should have vaccinated, that you should have allowed your child to go roll in a pig pen to prevent whatever challenges he or she faces, remember this: It’s just not your fault.
If you need to find a safe place to breathe and rest and know that you aren’t being judged for what you did or didn’t do, or what you are doing now, join us here.
The work you do? No one but other moms and dads walking that very same path may ever know how hard you work. No one knows how very strong you are. Let this one load of blame be something that you let go. You are strong, but there is no reason to carry such a load.
Throughout the past several years, I have grown to embrace and celebrate the gift that I have been given. I have learned so much through having a child with severe food allergies, asthma, and environmental allergies. I have learned no matter how much blame someone might like to toss my way, there are many others willing to embrace me. I have learned that life is good when you surround yourself with good people; ones who build you up rather than find ways to tear you down.
We have been given such a gift. We are entrusted with teaching our children how to be resilient and strong, how to be considerate and trustworthy in tough situations, and how to be kind to those that may be different from themselves.
We are raising champions.
I think I’m going to start blaming people for positive things like that. I’m turning that blame game around. Starting right now.